If you're close to me, then you know my mom passed away recently. It was very unexpected. She was only 57 years old, and though she wasn't in perfect health, she wasn't sick enough to pass like that. She went to sleep, had a heart attack in her sleep, and never woke up on Earth again.
I screamed the morning we found her: over and over and over again. Sometimes, I still scream inside. Days turned to weeks. It still hasn't been a month even. I dream of her. I cry for her. For the first week afterwards, I didn't eat. I lost 11 pounds in about 7 days. It's rough. Nothing I used to like mattered, and I honestly thought about giving it all up--writing included.
I'd been working on "Lucky and the Killer" on Wattpad. It was at #39 in its genre when I stopped writing. I watched it drop out of the ranking completely. I didn't really care. To be honest, I don't really care about that still, but I started writing again when I started writing to my mom. I used to talk to her everyday. The house was so silent afterwards, and I was there all by myself. So, I pulled up a journal and just started writing her letters everyday.
The truth about writing is that it comes from heaven in order to heal. Like music, it conveys emotion. And, not just to the reader but to the writer, too. You can put pen to paper and bring people into what you feel. All of a sudden, you aren't alone anymore. That's all that matters when it comes to writing.
I got my invitation to write with Radish Fiction two days after momma passed. I didn't even seen it until a few days ago. I'd applied two months ago with 30 pages of my writing and hoped for the best. When I saw the email, I was actually happy. You go through this phase where nothing matters anymore, but then, you realize that that is exactly why you should do it. So little of this life matters. When I think back to mom, I only remember the good. I can't remember every single day. No one is going to remember every single moment for any of us. People are going to pick a few things to remember, and I want people to remember when I die, that I shared my heart through writing with the world. When you write, the whole world heals with you. It's kind of beautiful.
So, while I *would* like to make a few dollars writing with Radish (I have to eat, too), I mainly am happy that I'm being read by thousands of people. I get the chance to share my heartache with everyone. I get to share my healing with them, too--the healing that lets you love, trust God, and live life despite it all. It amazes me, but that's why I write. Why do you write? Why do you read? Why do you bother with anything? Answer the questions before you go. I've learned the past month that not only is life short, we have absolutely no say over our demise. Figure things out while you have today to do it, and always tell the ones you love good night.